The birthers' long list of non-birther (but still very important) conspiracy theories

Jason Noble of The Star took copious notes of Orly Taitz' many conspiracy theories at her event this afternoon in Jefferson City:

Obama has failed to produce a true copy of his Hawaii birth certificate; the birth documentation he has produced may be a forgery; Obama may have forged his selective service documents; he may have as many as 25 social security numbers; one of those numbers may have originated in Connecticut and indicates he's over 100 years old; he may have enrolled at Occidental College as a foreign exchange student; he may be guilty of wire fraud, social security fraud, mail fraud and other unspecified fraudulent acts related to his presidential campaign and various charitable organizations; and he may have held closed-door meetings with the U.S. Supreme Court in which he intimidated them into rejecting any cases challenging his citizenship.

Oh, and these crimes may amount to treason.

Taitz also expressed concern this afternoon about the Saudi Arabian ownership of FOX News, Hugo Chavez's ownership of voting machine software, ACORN's new office inside the White House, and Obama's obvious loyalties to Kenya and Indonesian. 

It's a good thing we have so many legislators in the Missouri General Assembly on Team Taitz. There are TONS of of criminal conspiracies they need to be investigating!

Noble also noted the twin conspiracies I found most confusing:

On the root issue of his citizenship, Taitz offered two arguments: One, without an acceptable version of his birth certificate, it's impossible to know if Obama was born in Hawaii and, thus, whether he qualifies as a "natural born citizen" as required by the Constitution; two, even if Obama was born in Hawaii, he still may not be eligible because of his father's British citizenship as a native of Kenya.

One one hand, it's extremely important that we learn more about Obama's real birth (even though we know everything we need to know).  On the other hand, it doesn't even matter where he's born, because he's not an American!

Got that?