“Part-time Peter” Needs to Get a Job

Kinder in his place: sitting down, being quiet.

         Lt. Gov. Kinder feels as spurned as one of Mark Sanford’s Latin lovers. “[The Governor] hasn’t spoken to me in over 200 days,” he bemoaned recently to a reporter. Apparently, Peter wants a nighty-night call from Jay to let him know he’s appreciated.

        Since that’s not likely to happen, my advice to Kinder is get a job. Back in the old days, lieutenant governors worked for a living, because the task of presiding over the Senate and breaking tie votes just didn’t require that much time. Other than those few constitutional duties, LGs today serve on a few boards and inquire as to the governor’s health each morning. That’s it.

        But in 1972, a fella named Bill Phelps upset the apple cart for all lite governors thereafter. He declared himself “Full-time Phelps” and vowed to spend 24-hours a day as lieutenant governor. Of course, that was impossible, but he was a spunky, smiley guy and people believed him. Such silliness didn’t do the state any particular harm, but at a salary of $16,000 a year, it didn’t do “Full-time” much good.

        Since then, all Missouri LGs have to look for busy work. If the governor and his lieutenant are of the same party, he is more likely to be assigned some menial task. If they are not, forget it. Kinder has to continue the charade that he is working hard at something—French-style bike racing, board meetings, being the state’s ombudsman (whatever the hell that means). Still, he has time on his hands for such pleasantries as running in parks, fund raising, rumor dispensing, and whining to reporters about his lot in life.

        If he got a second job, it would set an example for others, such as those hungry, lazy school children of whom Cynthia Davis speaks. Taking on a another job would also be an exemplary way to connect with other men and women working two jobs to make ends meet.

        Yes, it’s time we return to the pre-Phelpsian days when lieutenant governors were just a Senate accessories. It worked better that way. Phelps did us no favor making us think the job was anything more. Traditionally, no one gave a damn who the lieutenant governor was, unless something went wrong in the Senate or with the chief executive.

         On a historical note, Phelps later lost his bid for governor, left Missouri, and was never heard from again, except for a swing through the state 15 years later to see if there was any interest in him running for Congress. There wasn’t.

        Let that be a lesson to you, Peter. Get a job.

Image credit: Post-Dispatch