12 Gifts for the Republicans on Your List
Submitted by Captain Spaulding on December 18, 2011 - 7:47pm
Puzzled about what to get for your Republican friends and relatives this year? Well, here are some “special gifts” for those “special people” that will display your thoughtfulness along with some holiday cheer:
 A Set of Gold Buffalo Coins: Perfect for the relative who thinks the country’s going to hell in a hand basket. |
 Reagan Memorabilia: A set of six-dessert plates featuring the Gipper. It will bring tears to their eyes. |
  Donald Trump Coffee Mug and Comb-over Set: For the discriminating men on your list, who admire success and want to emulate it. |
 Scented Candle: Republicans will have to hold their nose to vote for a GOP presidential candidate next year. Aroma therapy can help ease the remorse. (Restrain yourself from purchasing the “Barnyard Fragrance”; remember the Season.) |
 Cheap, Scratchy Throw: Comes with the apocalyptic best-seller: “How to Throw the Election with Newt Gingrich.” |
 American Flag: Preferably one flown at a Tea Party rally or over the U.S. Capitol on the day of a significant vote, such as, more tax cuts for the wealthy or cuts in health care. |
 A Tiffany’s Reproduction: A replica of anything Newt bought for Callista. |
 Rick Perry “Brokeback Mountain” Jacket: Nothing says, “You’re my man” like an authentic version of the original jacket worn in the movie. He’ll love you for it. |
 Debate Tickets: For your conservative acquaintances, who have not yet made up their mind, give them another glimpse of the field. It’s the least you can do. |
 Godfather’s Pizza Coupons: For a bit of nostalgia and a reminder of what might have been. |
 Copy of “The First Gentleman’s Agenda” by Marcus Bachmann: Leather-bound and autographed. A must-have for the collector of 2011 GOP presidential paraphernalia. |
 The GOP Bible: The New Standard 1%-ers’ Version. You can’t go wrong with this trendy gift for that special someone on your list. Includes the revised/updated teaching of Jesus as revealed to the GOP regarding firearms, marriage, family planning, voting restrictions, and care of the wealthy and greedy. Comes with newly excavated photos of the Apostles with AK-47s; Jesus bashing wine kegs at a gay wedding; and a missing sermon of Paul’s entitled “Investment and Wealth Creation for the Savvy 1%.” Comes in white only. |
 The Mitt Romney Roof Top Pooch Carrier: Perfect for dog-loving, care-free travelers. |
Merry Christmas!
