Matt Blunt Photo: You Provide the Caption

"Class, I have diagramed and parsed my previous statements on Medicaid.  Because the press did not accurately include the punctuation that was in my head at the time of these statements, you can see how I never really promised to protect the elderly and disabled from budget cuts.  Any questions?"

"Really Mrs. Phillips, it says so right here.  Renee Zellweger is Pope."

Memo

To: Governor Blunt

From: Spencer Jackson

Re: Looking Older and Wiser

Governor, last night's focus group concluded that you look older and like you have had more life experience when you hold documents far from your face when reading them--- you know they way McClure does when he's deciding on Medicaid cuts.  We have scheduled practice sessions with McClure on this.

The focus group also concluded that when you stand with an "uneven gait", voters are fooled into believing that you are sensitive to the impact of budget cuts on the elderly and disabled.

The staff is unanimous in recommending that you implement both focus group findings at tomorrow’s campaign stop school visit.   

Maybe if I lean way over to the left like this, the kids won't realize how right wing I truely am.  Maybe they'll forget that I want to take away consumers rights to sue, take weelchairs from disabled people, walk into your bedroom and tell you what to do, listen to Ted Nugent tapes at an NRA convention . .  .

Nah, they'll figure it out eventually.