Roverian Politics

Roverian Politics
by Jean Carnahan

The
President literally changed horses in the middle of the stream last
week, putting "Heckava Job" Brownie out to pasture and wagering his
last bit of political capital on a nag by the name of T-Blossom, who is
used to slogging it out on a muddy track. Yes, Bush saddled his
favorite political steed, Karl Rove, with the enormous political and
economic task of rebuilding the Big Easy. To make the job more alluring
he threw in—for starters--$200 billion to excite all the participants.

Later,
President Bush addressed the nation from the historic French Quarter,
posing in front of a stage-lit cathedral that looked like a backdrop
for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. But he did not mention Karl. Instead,
he dished up a generous etouffee of promises and revealed enough
forthcoming federal goodies to make Halliburton drool with
anticipation.

I was stunned. I thought I was listening to an
earlier Texan—Lyndon Johnson, expound his plan for the Great Society.
Actually, the speech was vintage Hooverism with the President ready to
offer evacuees a front porch on every house and a beignet in every deep
fryer.

Still, it was a special moment. Once blinded by
indifference to the underclass, the scales had fallen from the
Executive eyes. Now a transformed soul, the President unveiled a vision
for New Orleans that would be the envy of Tutankhamen and his pyramid
builders . . .and . . . and . . . catch your breath—all at no cost to
the top one percent of taxpayers! The news brought tears of joy to
those gathered in yacht clubs and boardrooms all across America.

Republicans
who still have a modicum of decency are troubled by the Wimpy-Hamburger
theory of economics embraced by the Bushies. The Popeye cartoon
character is best remembered for the line: "I will gladly pay you
Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Economics 101 taught us that there is
no such thing as a free lunch. Somebody pays. In the Bush
administration, that is all hooey. Nobody pays. At least nobody pays
today. You want to leave something to your kids? How about a nice chunk
of national debt to keep their noses to the grindstone.

Well,
I don't mean to be throwing cold water on the rebuilding effort. Dat
gummit, we are Americans and we can overcome anything. Fix anything.
Make everything better. That's always been our attitude. But usually
we’ve had leaders willing to level with us, lay out the plan, and call
for the shared sacrifice needed for a solution. That's what we're
missing here. We hope that our government—the one tasked with the
"welfare of the people" and the one that Bush, Inc. has spent nearly
five years dismembering—will miraculously reconnect, come to life, like
the proverbial dry bones.

For now it looks like Karl is the go
to man for the job. Lord, help us. "Brownie" was simply harmless and
dull, but "Dr. Evil" is brilliant, cunning, and loathsome. Never mind
that this is not Karl's line of work. But it might be his salvation.
Who would indict a man engaged in so noble a work? The administration
gets a "double whammy:" Karl's atonement and Bush's revival.

Looking
at the Blossom, my heart yearns for a Gen. George Marshall, respected
and proven in something more than political slugfests. The Marshall
Plan rebuilt war-torn Europe, jumpstarted their economy, and restored
hope to a ravished continent.

I don’t know if there’s
a NOLA reconstruction plan on Karl's drawing board yet, but you can bet
that there’s a plan for putting the presidential Humpty Dumpty back
together again ASAP. Just look for Karl to be Karl, whether he's
proping up his political protégé, funneling unbid contracts to
corporate cronies, perfecting the blame game, or obliterating as many
political foes as possible. George Marshall he ain't.

In the
high stakes Monopoly game underway on the Gulf Coast, look for Karl to
ignore the rules, intimidate the players, and break the bank. But with
special prosecutor Peter Fitzgerald waiting his turn at the table, Karl
had better hold on to his Get Out of Jail Free card. He may be needing
it.