Roverian Politics
by Jean Carnahan

The President literally changed horses in the middle of the stream last week, putting "Heckava Job" Brownie out to pasture and wagering his last bit of political capital on a nag by the name of T-Blossom, who is used to slogging it out on a muddy track. Yes, Bush saddled his favorite political steed, Karl Rove, with the enormous political and economic task of rebuilding the Big Easy. To make the job more alluring he threw in—for starters--$200 billion to excite all the participants.

Later, President Bush addressed the nation from the historic French Quarter, posing in front of a stage-lit cathedral that looked like a backdrop for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. But he did not mention Karl. Instead, he dished up a generous etouffee of promises and revealed enough forthcoming federal goodies to make Halliburton drool with anticipation.

I was stunned. I thought I was listening to an earlier Texan—Lyndon Johnson, expound his plan for the Great Society. Actually, the speech was vintage Hooverism with the President ready to offer evacuees a front porch on every house and a beignet in every deep fryer.

Still, it was a special moment. Once blinded by indifference to the underclass, the scales had fallen from the Executive eyes. Now a transformed soul, the President unveiled a vision for New Orleans that would be the envy of Tutankhamen and his pyramid builders . . .and . . . and . . . catch your breath—all at no cost to the top one percent of taxpayers! The news brought tears of joy to those gathered in yacht clubs and boardrooms all across America.

Republicans who still have a modicum of decency are troubled by the Wimpy-Hamburger theory of economics embraced by the Bushies. The Popeye cartoon character is best remembered for the line: "I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.” Economics 101 taught us that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Somebody pays. In the Bush administration, that is all hooey. Nobody pays. At least nobody pays today. You want to leave something to your kids? How about a nice chunk of national debt to keep their noses to the grindstone.

Well, I don't mean to be throwing cold water on the rebuilding effort. Dat gummit, we are Americans and we can overcome anything. Fix anything. Make everything better. That's always been our attitude. But usually we’ve had leaders willing to level with us, lay out the plan, and call for the shared sacrifice needed for a solution. That's what we're missing here. We hope that our government—the one tasked with the "welfare of the people" and the one that Bush, Inc. has spent nearly five years dismembering—will miraculously reconnect, come to life, like the proverbial dry bones.

For now it looks like Karl is the go to man for the job. Lord, help us. "Brownie" was simply harmless and dull, but "Dr. Evil" is brilliant, cunning, and loathsome. Never mind that this is not Karl's line of work. But it might be his salvation. Who would indict a man engaged in so noble a work? The administration gets a "double whammy:" Karl's atonement and Bush's revival.

Looking at the Blossom, my heart yearns for a Gen. George Marshall, respected and proven in something more than political slugfests. The Marshall Plan rebuilt war-torn Europe, jumpstarted their economy, and restored hope to a ravished continent.

I don’t know if there’s a NOLA reconstruction plan on Karl's drawing board yet, but you can bet that there’s a plan for putting the presidential Humpty Dumpty back together again ASAP. Just look for Karl to be Karl, whether he's proping up his political protégé, funneling unbid contracts to corporate cronies, perfecting the blame game, or obliterating as many political foes as possible. George Marshall he ain't.

In the high stakes Monopoly game underway on the Gulf Coast, look for Karl to ignore the rules, intimidate the players, and break the bank. But with special prosecutor Peter Fitzgerald waiting his turn at the table, Karl had better hold on to his Get Out of Jail Free card. He may be needing it.