Matty B's Top Ten Most Hated: Post-Primary Edition

A lot has transpired since Fired Up Missouri last checked in with boy Guv Matt Blunt to get a feel for the ten individuals whom he most despises. Among the significant events which have passed since the posting of the previous Top Ten list are the primary election, the flight or forced departure of most of the governor's senior staff, and probably a dozen RGA fundraisers that Blunt has headlined. Lots of water under the bridge means lots of new names on the Matty B Top Ten Most Hated list, so let's get started...

#10 - Jackson-Loudon-Wright and the GOP Legislative Caucus: While Blunt's ongoing feud with house speaker Rod Jetton has been boiling over for some time, the governor chose a highly contested Republican primary for auditor to expand his intra-party jihad even further. No surprise that Blunt spurned Mark Wright --who showed a rare moment of clarity for a Missouri Republican when he took flight around the state to criticize the Blunt regime's corrupt fee office dealings-- but less predictable was the guv's spitting in the eye of both Jack Jackson and John Loudon, who had made no transgressions against BluntCo. By implicitly endorsing the candidacy of eventual nominee Sandra Thomas, whose campaign was even run by Blunt stooges Jeff Roe and James Harris, Blunt further alienated himself from GOP regulars at the capital for whom his hatred obviously knows no bounds.

#9 - Working Missourians: Last Friday, Blunt leapt at the opportunity to let Missouri's working folks just how little he thinks of them. Blunt effectively told thousands of our most vulnerable citizens that he believes $11,000 a year is more than enough money on which to provide for oneself and her family. By coming out publicly against the initiative on this fall's ballot which would raise the state's minimum wage to $6.50 an hour, Blunt reaffirmed suspicions that he just doesn't care about anyone who isn't rich enough to finance construction of an ethanol plant. Blunt's detest for Missourians who earn the minimum wage is doubly ironic given that he rarely leaves Springfield to show up for work at his own job.

#8 - Fred Ferrell: Apparently Gov. Blunt --even with his notoriously lax standards for employee on-the-job behavior-- was livid after a recent visit to the state's Department of Agriculture facility. Upon his arrival, he found a half-dozen department employees busily scurrying around the campus at Director Fred Ferrell's direction, hard at work building a velvet and plywood contraption that Ferrell would describe to them only as a "grope booth." Blunt was reportedly furious, not about the groping, but that Ferrell hadn't shuttled a no-bid contract for the booth's construction to an RGA contributor instead doing the work in-house.

#7 - Mothers and Families of Retarded Missourians: Matt Blunt had one goal in 2006 for Missouri's severely retarded citizens: close down state-run habilitation center facilities so he could move them into private-sector group homes where his big contributors could make some fat cash off of them. Unfortunately for Blunt's big payola plans, brave mothers and guardians of some profoundly disabled Missourians have had something to say about his strategy of uprooting their family members from their longtime homes. And nothing inspires the hatred of the Governor more quickly someone standing in the way of profiteering. During recent Kinder Mental Health Task Force hearings --the intent of which was merely to give Blunt political cover for recommendations to privatize large chunks of the Department of Mental Health-- the testimony of mothers has changed the game. That testimony has laid bare the idea that habilitation centers need closing --causing Blunt's bile for Mothers of the retarded to grow exponentially.

#6 - Taylor Hicks: If there was one developing
story in 2006 that Guvner Blunt watched most closely, it wasn't the
budget process or appropriations hearings, but rather the battle for
supremacy on Fox's American Idol. Blunt, a huge Katharine McPhee
booster, was in his own words "totally pissed," about the victory for
finalist Taylor Hicks, who the governor claims "really, really sucks."
With the McPhee loss offset by the Sandra Thomas win, Blunt views his
record in what he calls "2006's big races" as 1 win, 1 loss.

#5 - McClure-Monsees-Harris: In the memorable epilogue to classic film Animal House, we are informed about the later whereabouts of many of the main characters. We are told, for instance, that the loathesome Douglas Niedermeyer would be "killed by his own troops in Viet Nam." Each passing day here in Missouri makes a metaphorically similar end look likely for our own Governor Blunt. His staff --the very folks supposedly tasked with looking out for his best interests-- are leaving with the same frequency as the last Americans in Beirut, and he hates 'em for it. Of course, Harris and Monsees he forced out --Harris as a patsy for running his fee office sham, Monsees for bungling the pet MOHELA legislation-- so what better reason to hate them. McClure he hates for abandoning him for greener pastures. With Blunt tossing people overboard and others fleeing on their own, remaining Blunt staff (down, at this point, to 2 --The Spaz and the staffer who monitors Fired Up full-time) has knives out for their boss, and that has Matty seething.

#4 - Roy Temple: In June, Fired Up Missouri's Temple was tossed from the Governor's capital office as he tried to attend a public bill signing. Blunt, it goes without saying, hates few things more than those who take to heart state laws regarding open meetings and government transparency. The incident further embarassed the governor, significantly bumping up the hate-factor for Roy, as it caused the head of one of Blunt's few remaining non-itinerant advisors, Spence Jackson, to spin around furiously as he tried to dream up a bogus reason for why Temple should be locked out. The guv also hates Temple because Andy told him he ought to.

#3 - James Madison: Madison authored the United States Constitution, the document upon which our government is founded. Madison's product included parts about the rights of American citizens to vote. Matt Blunt hates that kind of crap, and he hates James Madison. You think you should be able to vote without a drivers license? Guess what: Matt Blunt hates you too, and your elderly wheelchair-bound grandmomma. At least you're in good company.

#2 - John Hancock: Some days, the Guv must sit back and really wonder who he can truly count on. He thought advisor John Hancock was one. That's why Matty put Hancock in charge of passing a tobacco tax ballot initiative which the governor could nominally "oppose" but that when passed would give the Blunt budgeteers a few extra dollars to fiddle with. However, in a Han-cockup of galactic proportions, Johnny GOP failed even to qualify the tobacco tax initiative for the November ballot, falling some 274 signatures short. About this the governor is not happy, and his anger with Hancock is monumental. But really, how much work did the guv really expect Hancock to do for a measly 20 G's monthly from the tobacco tax coalition?

And #1 on the Matty B Top Ten Most Hated list is...

...new Chief-of-Staff, Ed Martin: Matt Blunt recently selected nutty conservative Ed Martin to replace Ken McClure as the gubernatorial chief of staff. Let's analogize Martin's new position with a few others. Wedgebuster: this is the completely expendable fellow on a football team who isn't good enough to play offense or defense, so his key job is to go out on the kickoff team and throw himself head-on into a spine-bending squadron of burly blockers leading the "wedge" for the return team. On average, these dudes live to the age of 38 years, the last 4 or 5 of which are spent with severe incontinence. Tunnel Rat: This is the military guy who gets sent into a 15 inch-diameter snakehole to check for explosives or high-water before the important people go in. Good advice for a tunnel rat is "rent, don't buy." Grey Matter Donor: As brain transplants become commonplace, the grey matter donor is the individual who is referred to post-procedure as 'the husk.'

Martin's position is, like the others mentioned, one that you'd only give to someone who you truly, deeply despised. For the forseeable future, Martin is tasked with being the person responsible for the political and official health of a governor whom 60% of the electorate can't stand. Additionally, remember the fact that the chief of staff has to work closely with reprobates like Spence Jackson, which makes that 15-inch snakehole look pretty attractive. Blunt's naming of Martin to the chief of staff post is proof positive that he hates Martin, at this instant, more than any other person on the planet. Good luck, Ed. May God have mercy on your soul.