Jesus Calls for Removing Prayer from Market Place: Bearden Objects

Breaking News, 1st Century Jerusalem Times. Just outside Jerusalem today, Jesus of Nazareth caused alarm when he criticized those who were praying on the sidewalks of the city. Members of the Pharisee Protectionist Party (PPP) took offense, saying prayer had to be seen to be heard.

Speaking with great authority, Jesus further incensed the local religious zealots, calling them “hypocrites.” He told his followers to pray in their closets where God alone would be their witness, rather than on street corners, hoping to gain admiration for their goodness.

The much-beloved teacher said of those praying on street corners: “They have their reward.” Then turning to his disciples he said, “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.”

Rabbi Carl Bearden, a prominent member of the PPP and staunch advocate of street corner, coliseum, and chariot race prayers, pulled his robes of righteousness about him and hurried to the Sanhedrin where he offered a law that would forbid God from hearing any request made in private.

“All prayer must be done publicly, head bowed, eyes closed, with proper beginning and ending form, and among the largest group possible,” he said. “This is what prayer is all about,” he told members of the Sanhedrin, who rule on religious matters. “If people don’t see and hear us praying, how will they know we are good?” he argued.

It is yet to see who will prevail in this struggle, though at the present time the PPP has far more supporters than the Galilean minister.