It's the Thought that Counts
by Jean Carnahan

            Martha Stewart does Christmas with remarkable aplomb.  She told the New York Times that one year she presided over an office party for 400, addressed 560 cards, wrapped 130 gifts, trimmed the tree, hung 24 wreaths at her house in Westport, Connecticut, and washed her five cats.

 Her Christmas Eve lunch included homemade pear sorbet and fettuccine made with eggs laid by her own chickens.  Having done all that, she packed her suitcases for an archeology tour of Egypt, with her seven nieces, nephews, and godchildren.

Whew!   I’m exhausted just recounting all that on paper. 

There was a time that I would have felt resentful of such a Superwoman, especially during a season when we pressure ourselves with high expectations.

 Not any more. 

 My seventy-some Christmases have taught me that the presence of the family around the holiday table makes everything pale in comparison.  I no longer consider rooms strewn with discarded wrappings, batteries, already-broken toys,  and instruction booklets to be clutter.  They are merely spontaneous eruptions that occur about the tree on Christmas morning. 

Yes, in recent years I have become relaxed about the holidays.  Though I must admit the three-month-long festival of eating and spending that some have referred to as HalloThanksMas takes its toll on my waistline.

          But, each year I find it harder to make a list of things that I need.  I’m not sure if that is a sign of contentment or a lack imagination.  When I was a child, we often gave my grandmother a slip or a sweater for Christmas because they were things she could always use.  When she died, she had a dresser drawer full of neatly stacked, unopened lingerie and sweaters.

In search for something unpractical to give and receive, I took to the internet, of course, and discovered that Dave Barry, the columnist for the Miami-Herald, offers such help.  

This year his list of wacky gift suggestions included a shower curtain with a spooky, Psycho shadow of a stabbing lady from the Hitchcock movie.  Perfect for the guest bathroom, he says. ($24.89) 

Then, there was the semi-real dog made of handcrafted polyester fur for only $19.99.  This affordable, life-like, no-fuss pooch can “breath,” with the help of a “D”-sized battery.

For the sportsman with a heart, he suggested the Inflatable Moose Head ($19.89) that adds a rugged, decorator touch to any den or rec room.

And, who among us wouldn’t be thrilled to receive a Bush Countdown Key Chain to give us hope during the waning days of this administration.

If you are looking for a great stocking stuffer, there’s the Get-Off-the-Phone Excuse Maker.  When put to the telephone receiver it plays the sound of either a door bell, crying baby, static, or, if need be, a car crash.

Emerson said the only true gift is the gift of yourself.  You can test out that theory by showing up on Christmas morning wearing a chic Tattoo Sleeve.  The stretchable, nylon sleeve slips over your arm and allows you to be a living canvas, displaying butterflies, skulls, or dragons that are guaranteed to coarsen any holiday celebration.

I don’t mean to offend Dave Barry after all his research, but I may stick with practical giving and receiving this year.   I will ask for a few good books, which unlike slips and sweaters, can be stacked decoratively throughout the house and even read.

         Seriously, my only requirement for the season is that it be meaningful and memorable.   I think that's what Martha and all of us are striving to achieve.   Her annual flourish of goodwill obviously spreads a lot of cheer among her co-workers, neighbors, and family--though her five bathed cats might prefer a less pristine celebration.