Bowling for Delegates

Bowling for Delegates
by Jean Carnahan

Ob                    Obama laced up his size 13-1/2 bowling shoes, grabbed a bowling ball, and promptly rolled it down the gutter, proving beyond any doubt that he hadn’t bowled in forty years.  He was not Bowling for Dollars; he was Bowling for Delegates, hoping to fluff up his “everyday guy” image in advance of the April 22^nd primary in Pennsylvania.

The lanky Senator excels on the basketball court and in the public arena, but he fell short at the bowling alley.  He racked up an incredibly poor score of 37, which included one strike and a spare.

                        “My economic plan is better than my bowling,” Obama laughed after playing seven frames at the bowling alley during his cross-state bus tour.  He said that his bowling merely indicated a willingness to try new things.  A local housewife who was part of the match and scored 80-some points was nonetheless encouraging.  She said, “He has potential.”

Talk show hosts have not been as generous.  Joe Scarborough labeled the Senator a “dainty” bowler, casting an image of Obama, pirouetting toward the throw line in ballerina attire.  In a sport where technique is everything I can only image how Hillary and McCain would have performed.

I see the New York Senator in her silk bowling shirt with the White House logo.  She methodically unbags her personalized bowling ball and shoes.  Declaring emphatically that she is “in the game to win,” she fires off every ball in the rack until the pins are flattened.  Whereupon, she flashes a broad smile, declares victory, and raises her arms in triumph.

McCain, on the other hand, would get his arthritic thumb stuck in the ball.  In his frustration, he would throw the ball over-handed down the lane, beaning the pin boy.  Stomping down the lane, he would kick over the remaining pins, declaring gloriously, “My friends, when I surge toward the target, I always win.  I’m good for another one hundred frames.”

I hope Obama does not accept Hillary’s call for a Bowl-a-rama to settle the presidential sweepstakes.  When it comes to her bowling skills, I can’t tell whether or not she’s bluffing.  Obama should keep bowling, but just to show he’s a regular guy.

I feel his pain.  I last bowled a few years ago, after having once done so regularly with a church youth group.  The technique came back mentally, but my arms, back, legs, eyes, and feet didn’t get the message like they once did

 If Obama wants somebody to bowl with him who will make him look good, I’m available.